"But when we got to my apartment, we kept our focus on the task at hand. She had her phone now, so now all she needed to do was give me her keys and so she did.
To this day, I don’t know how or why I didn’t ask her to stay with me for the rest of the night. I don’t know why I let this girl I started crushing on all over again turn around and walk towards her new apartment instead of asking her to walk into mine. But then again, I don’t know why my Mom and Pop never stayed together after the night we shared at the pizzeria.
And though I never asked my Pop if he remembers that night, I’m pretty sure he does because I have this theory: No matter how bad the relationship between two people, no matter how final and imminent the pending break up, all couples have at least one great date left in them. And we will remember them forever."
After reading such an inspiring blog, I thought to myself - I had a moment like this. And I'm sure a few of us had shared an experience like this; or quite similar to Jozen's story. Although, I can't relate to his parents splitting up after 11 years (because my parents have been happily married for quite some time now), my experience with one of my exes when we split up was one I can still look back on without feeling any hurt. Although my blog, will not be talking about a last date just like Jozen's but one that I can think about to inspire me to write about a breakup that needed much closure.
This breakup was about three years ago, but still so fresh in my mind. A breakup of a relationship that lasted all throughout my fresh years in high school and in college.
He cheated.
Everything that I ever thought he wouldn't do happened all in one night. But let's not get into that detail - that is a completely different story and altogether a different blog. To make my point across, I left him the night I found out he cheated. And well, when you are young and naive about things in life, like I was, you didn't really need an explanation as to why he had done what he did. For those three years, we remained mutual. Never speaking of the situation, only to wish each other the best of luck in the years to come or to talk about mutual gatherings and friends that we had.
As time passed, I moved to the Philippines. I wouldn't say that he was my mere reason for leaving San Francisco. Part of it was because of him but I wouldn't say entirely. All my life, all I known was him. It was time for a change. It was time to get to know myself once again. I made that easy transition and now here I am. About a year ago, 2009, he decided to join one of our mutual friends . The first time was in October 2009. He fished for information and asked around for my international number and somehow found me. At this time, I was currently with a present boyfriend who also flew back for about three weeks to be with me. Now this ex of mine called my international cellphone number. It wasn't a familiar number to me so therefore, I didn't pick up. That missed call was then followed by a text message. "I'm here in the Philippines, Manila actually. I want to see you." Now, being that I was with someone else, I didn't bother going. It wasn't a matter of choice, I knew me and my new boyfriend had something going at the time and didn't want to jeopardize it. We messaged each other back and forth as to why I couldn't go. He understood. But that day opened up our communication.
Within the months of October 2009 to March 2010 we stayed in contact with each other through Facebook, Yahoo email, Skype.. anything. He knew everything that was currently happening in my life. We became friends once again.
Fast forward to March-April 2010. The month of my wedding with the man I chose to be with, the boyfriend of October 2009 and I had decided to tie the knot. The ex found out about this and decided, well.. he needed to see me. He flew out once again. Towards the beginning on April, I decided to see him. Now, from where I live it takes about three to four hours drive to get to Manila. I had plenty of time and plenty of things on my mind. My future husband-to-be wouldn't be arriving until a few days later. So, here I am, getting married in less than a month then having to deal with my ex showing up. I had so much on my platter already, I didn't need any more complications in my life. Or did I? I didn't know exactly what I was getting myself into, or what I was looking for but somehow I knew whatever it was, he would be my answer to it.
We met outside of Shangri-La Edsa in Manila. It felt like old times. It brought back memories of us back in high school, awkwardly waiting for each other in front of movie theaters or local parks. It brought back a sense of togetherness once again. He was with two of his other friends who also decided to go with him on this spur-the-moment trip. They left us both to get settled in and decide what to do for the night. We both decided that it was best to split up away from his friends. He had things he needed to say and well I needed to hear them. We had dinner at Le Souffle. We talked about my upcoming wedding, his life back home in San Francisco and everything else in between. Reminiscing about the fun times we had all throughout high school and part of college.
"Look, what did we both really come here for?" I asked. I answered before he could even say anything, "I think we both know where this is going to end up."
He stared at me and genuinely said, "I'm happy for you."
I was utterly surprised. I didn't expect that from him.
"What I came here for was to see if there could be anything more than just friendship between us once again. But I see that, you are truly happy with the life you have now and the new one you're about to take on," he said. "I just want you to know that, even though we ended bad and mostly because it was my fault, you need to know that there wasn't a minute that I never thought about you. That there wasn't a second that you crossed my mind. If I can't have you as my lover, I need to know if I can have you as my friend, my best friend."
Now, I'm sitting there dumbfounded. I didn't know what to say, except.. "Of course, we can always be friends." Why was it so easy to forgive him just like that? Why was it so easy to let go of the pain that he once caused me? I found my answer - because even though there was that few minutes of pain that he had inflicted in my life, it wouldn't replace the happier years that we spent together. It wouldn't replace the memories that we shared. It wouldn't replace how I felt about him as a person.
The night lead on. More wonderful conversations, more laughter and some tears. But it was the best conversation we both had in years. We slowly left the restaurant, not wanting to leave each others company and found a reason to stay a little while longer - DESSERT. As the night grew into morning, it was time for me to leave, to depart back to my home. He held my hand, and kissed my forehead.
"Don't ever disappear on me, ever again. We are friends again now, right?" he said.
"I won't, I promise and yes we are friends." I replied with a smile on my face and a tear in my eye.
We said our goodbyes, and I hopped onto the bus that would take me back home.
No matter how much pain was inflicted on each other after the breakup, we still had one good night together. We still managed to be as civil as we possibly could. Do I regret seeing him the month I was supposed to get married? My answer is, NO. I think that if I didn't go to Manila to see him that I would still a hole in my heart. Some pieces would still be out of place if I didn't decide to go see him. Now, with everything that had been said and done, I am truly at peace with him and with our past relationship.
I follow and believe in Jozen's theory, "No matter how bad the relationship between two people, no matter how final and imminent the pending break up, all couples have at least one great date left in them. And we will remember them forever."
No comments:
Post a Comment